Avaerage Age Of Dating Begins In Usa
Age disparity in sexual relationships is the age difference between individuals in sexual relationships. Concepts of these relationships, including what defines an age disparity, have developed over time and vary among societies. Differences in age preferences for mates can stem from partner availability, gender roles, and evolutionary mating strategies, and age preferences in sexual partners may vary cross-culturally. There are also social theories for age differences in relationships as well as suggested reasons for 'alternative' age-hypogamous relationships. Age-disparate relationships have been documented for most of recorded history and have been regarded with a wide range of attitudes dependent on sociocultural norms and legal systems.
Your child might not even wait for the teenage years before they ask you if they can “go out” with someone. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, kids start dating at an average age. Jan 10, 2021 11. One of the lesser-known facts about online dating is that 59% of Americans believe online dating is an excellent way to meet new people. (Pew Research Center) More than half of the United States citizens agree that online dating is a great way to meet a potential partner. This figure is on the rise because, in 2005, only 44% of the surveyed.
Statistics[edit]
Age difference | Percentage of all married couples |
---|---|
Husband 20+ years older than wife | 1.0 |
Husband 15–19 years older than wife | 1.6 |
Husband 10–14 years older than wife | 5.0 |
Husband 6–9 years older than wife | 11.2 |
Husband 4–5 years older than wife | 12.8 |
Husband 2–3 years older than wife | 19.6 |
Husband and wife within 1 year | 33.9 |
Wife 2–3 years older than husband | 6.9 |
Wife 4–5 years older than husband | 3.4 |
Wife 6–9 years older than husband | 2.8 |
Wife 10–14 years older than husband | 1.0 |
Wife 15–19 years older than husband | 0.3 |
Wife 20+ years older than husband | 0.4 |
Data in Australia[2] and the United Kingdom[3] show an almost identical pattern.
Average Age Of Dating Begins In Usa Today
Relationships with age disparities have been observed with both men and women as the older or younger partner. In various cultures, older men and younger women often seek one another for sexual or marital relationships.[4] Older women sometimes date younger men as well,[5] and in both cases wealth and apparent physical attractiveness are often relevant.[6] Because most men are interested in women in their 20s, adolescent boys are generally sexually interested in women somewhat older than they are.[7] Older men also display an interest in women of their own age.[8] However, research suggests that relationship patterns are more influenced by women’s preferences than men’s.[7][9][10]
Most men marry women younger than they are; with the difference being between two and three years in Spain,[11] the UK reporting the difference to be on average about three years, and the US, two and a half.[12][13] The pattern was also confirmed for the rest of the world, with the gap being largest in Africa.[14] However, the number of women marrying younger men is rising. A study released in 2003 by the UK's Office for National Statistics concluded that the proportion of women in England and Wales marrying younger men rose from 15% to 26% between 1963 and 1998. Another study also showed a higher divorce rate as the age difference rose for when either the woman was older or the man was older.[15][16] A 2008 study, however, concluded that the difference is not significant.[17][18]
In August 2010, Michael Dunn of the University of Wales Institute, Cardiff, completed and released the results of a study on age disparity in dating. Dunn concluded that 'Not once across all ages and countries ... did females show a preference for males significantly younger than male preferences for females' and that there was a 'consistent cross-cultural preference by women for at least same-age or significantly older men'. A 2003 AARP study reported that 34% of women over 39 years old were dating younger men.[19]
A 2011 study suggested that marriage of younger men by women is positively correlated with decreased longevity, particularly for the woman, though married individuals generally still have longer lifespans than singles.[20]
Reasons for age disparity[edit]
There are complex and diverse reasons that people enter into age-disparate relationships, and a recent review in the Journal of Family Theory and Review showed vast differences across contexts.[21] Explanations for age disparity usually focus on either the rational choice model or the analysis of demographic trends in a society.[11] The rational choice model suggests that people look for partners who can provide for them in their life (bread-winners); as men earn more as they get older, women will therefore prefer older men.[11] This factor is diminishing as more women enter the labor force. The demographic trends are concerned with the sex ratio in the society, the marriage squeeze, and migration patterns.[11] Another explanation concerns cultural values: the higher the value placed in having children, the higher the age gap will be.[14] Yet Canadian researchers have found that age-disparate couples are less likely to have children than similarly aged ones.[22] As people have chosen to marry later and remarriage becomes more common, the age differences between couples have increased as well.[11][17]
In a Brown University study, it has been noted that the social structure of a country determines the age difference between spouses more than any other factor.[23] One of the concerns of relationships with age disparities in some cultures is a perceived difference between people of different age ranges. These differences may be sexual, financial or social. Gender roles may complicate this even further. Socially, a society with a difference in wealth distribution between older and younger people may affect the dynamics of the relationship.[24]
Although the 'cougar' trend, in which older women date much younger men, is often portrayed in the media as a widespread and established facet of modern Western culture, at least one academic study has found the concept to be a 'myth'. A British psychological study published in Evolution and Human Behavior in 2010 concluded that men and women, in general, continued to follow traditional gender roles when searching for mates.[25] The study found that, as supported by other academic studies, most men preferred younger, 'attractive' women, while most women, of any age, preferred successful, established men their age or older. The study found very few instances of older women pursuing much younger men and vice versa.[26] The study has been criticized, however, for limiting their results to online dating profiles, which are traditionally not used by those seeking older or younger partners, and for excluding the United States from the study.[27][28][29]
Evolutionary perspective[edit]
Evolutionary approach[edit]
The evolutionary approach, based on the theories of Charles Darwin, attempts to explain age disparity in sexual relationships in terms of natural selection and sexual selection.[30][31] Within sexual selection, Darwin identified a further two mechanisms which are important factors in the evolution of sex differences (sexual dimorphism): intrasexual selection (involves competition with those of the same sex over access to mates) and intersexual choice (discriminative choice of mating partners).[32]Life history theory[33] (that includes Parental Investment Theory)[34] provides an explanation for the above mechanisms and strategies adopted by individuals, leading to age disparity in relationships. Life history theory posits that individuals have to divide energy and resources between activities (as energy and resources devoted to one task cannot be used for another task) and this is shaped by natural selection.[35]
Parental Investment Theory refers to the value that is placed on a potential mate based on reproductive potential and reproductive investment. The theory predicts that preferred mate choices have evolved to focus on reproductive potential and reproductive investment of members of the opposite sex.[34] This theory predicts both intrasexual selection and intersexual choice due to differences in parental investment; typically there is competition among members of the lower investing sex (generally males) over the parental investment of the higher investing sex (generally females) who will be more selective in their mate choice. However, human males tend to have more parental investment compared to mammal males (although females still tend to have more parental investment).[36] Thus, both sexes will have to compete and be selective in mate choices. These two theories explain why natural and sexual selection acts slightly differently on the two sexes so that they display different preferences. For example, different age preferences may be a result of sex differences in mate values assigned to the opposite sex at those ages.[34]
A study conducted by David Buss investigated sex differences in mate preferences in 37 cultures with 10,047 participants. In all 37 cultures it was found that males preferred females younger than themselves and females preferred males older than themselves. These age preferences were confirmed in marriage records with males marrying females younger than them and vice versa.[37] A more recent study has supported these findings, conducted by Schwarz and Hassebrauck.[38] This study used 21,245 participants between 18 and 65 years of age who were not involved in a close relationship. As well as asking participants a number of questions on mate selection criteria, they also had to provide the oldest and youngest partner they would accept. It was found that for all ages males were willing to accept females that are slightly older than they are (on average 4.5 years older), but they accept females considerably younger than their own age (on average 10 years younger). Females demonstrate a complementary pattern, being willing to accept older males (on average 8 years older) and were also willing to accept males younger than themselves (on average 5 years younger). This is somewhat different to our close evolutionary relatives: chimpanzees. Male chimpanzees tend to prefer older females than younger and it is suggested that specific cues of female mate value are very different to humans.[39]
Male preference for younger females[edit]
Buss attributed the male preference for younger females to certain youthful cues. In females, relative youth and apparent physical attractiveness (which males valued more compared to females) demonstrated cues for fertility and high reproductive capacity.[37] Buss stated the specific age preference of around 25 years implied that fertility was a stronger ultimate cause of mate preference than reproductive value as data suggested that fertility peaks in females around mid-20s.[37] From a life history theory perspective, females that display these cues are judged to be more capable of reproductive investment.[40] This notion of age preference due to peak fertility is supported by Kenrick, Keefe, Gabrielidis, and Cornelius's study, which found that although teenage males would accept a mate slightly younger than they are, there was a wider range of preference for ages above their own. Teenage males also report that their ideal mates would be several years older than they are.[41]
Buss and Schmitt[42] stress that although long-term mating relationships are common for humans, there are both short-term and long-term mating relationships. Buss and Schmitt provided a Sexual Strategies Theory that describes the two sexes as having evolved distinct psychological mechanisms that underlie the strategies for short- and long-term mating. This theory is directly relevant and compatible with those two already mentioned, Life History and Parental Investment.[43][44] Males tend to appear oriented towards short-term mating (greater desire for short-term mates than women, prefer larger number of sexual partners, and take less time to consent to sexual intercourse[44]) and this appears to solve a number of adaptive problems including using fewer resources to access a mate.[42] Although there are a number of reproductive advantages to short-term mating, males still pursue long-term mates, and this is due to the possibility of monopolizing a female's lifetime reproductive resources.[42] Consistent with findings, for both short-term and long-term mates, males prefer younger females (reproductively valuable).[42][45]
Female preference for older males[edit]
Region | SMAM difference |
---|---|
Eastern Africa | 4.3 |
Middle Africa | 6.0 |
Northern Africa | 4.5 |
Western Africa | 6.6 |
Eastern Asia | 2.4 |
South-Central Asia | 3.7 |
South-Eastern Asia | 2.4 |
Western Asia | 3.5 |
Eastern Europe | 3.1 |
Northern Europe | 2.3 |
Southern Europe | 3.3 |
Western Europe | 2.7 |
Caribbean | 2.9 |
Central America | 2.5 |
South America | 2.9 |
Northern America | 2.3 |
Australia/New Zealand | 2.2 |
As they are the higher-investing sex, females tend to be slightly more demanding when picking a mate (as predicted by parental investment theory).[36] They also tend to have a more difficult task of evaluating a male's reproductive value accurately based on physical appearance, as age tends to have fewer constraints on a male's reproductive resources.[40]Buss attributed the older age preference to older males displaying characteristics of high providing-capacity[37] such as status and resources.[38] In terms of short-term and long-term mating, females tend to be oriented towards long-term mating due to the costs incurred from short-term mating.[42] Although some of these costs will be the same for males and females (risk of STIs and impairing long term mate value), the costs for women will be more severe due to paternity uncertainty (cues of multiple mates will be disfavoured by males).[42]
In contrast to above, in short-term mating, females will tend to favour males that demonstrate physical attractiveness, as this displays cues of 'good genes'.[42] Cues of good genes tend to be typically associated with older males[47] such as facial masculinity and cheek-bone prominence.[48] Buss and Schmitt found similar female preferences for long-term mating which supports the notion that, for long-term relationships, females prefer cues of high resource capacity, one of which is age.[42]
Cross-cultural differences[edit]
Cross-culturally, research has consistently supported the trend in which males prefer to mate with younger females, and females with older males.[32] In a cross-cultural study that covered 37 countries,[49] preferences for age differences were measured and research supported the theory that people prefer to marry close to the age when female fertility is at its highest (24–25 years). Analysing the results further, cross culturally, the average age females prefer to marry is 25.4 years old, and they prefer a mate 3.4 years older than themselves, therefore their preferred mate would be aged 28.8 years of age. Males however prefer to marry when they are 27.5 years old, and a female to be 2.7 years younger than themselves, yielding their preferred mate to be 24.8 years old. The results from the study therefore show that the mean preferred marriage age difference (3.04 years averaging male and female preferred age) corresponds very closely with the actual mean marriage age difference (2.99). The preferred age of females is 24.8 years and the actual average age females marry is 25.3 years old (and 28.2 for males) which actually falls directly on the age where females are most fertile, however, this assumes this people are having children immediately after marrying. Moreover, these patterns fit many proposed explanations for age differences: evolutionarily adapted mating preferences, socialisation, and gendered economic differences.[21]
The United Nations Marriage Statistics Department measures the Singulate Mean Age Marriage (SMAM) difference, the difference in average age at first marriage between men and women, across the main regions in the world (refer to Table. 1).[46]
Larger than average age-gaps[edit]
Country | SMAM difference | Legal Status of Polygamy |
---|---|---|
Cameroon a | 6.5 | Polygamous |
Chad | 6.1 | Polygamous |
Rep. of Congo | 8.6 | Polygamous |
Dem. Rep. of Congo | 8.2 | Polygamous |
Sudan | 6.4 | Polygamous |
Burkina Faso a | 8.6 | Polygamous |
Côte d'Ivoire | 7.2 | No Longer Practiced |
Gambia | 9.2 | Polygamous |
Guinea a | 7.3 | Illegal but practiced |
Liberia | 6.5 | Not Criminalised |
Mali | 7.5 | Polygamous |
Mauritania | 7.7 | Polygamous |
Niger | 6.3 | Polygamous |
Nigeria | 6.9 | Polygamous |
Senegal | 8.1 | Polygamous |
Afghanistan | 7.5 | Polygamous |
Bangladesh | 6.8 | Polygamous |
Montserrat b | 8.3 | Unknown |
Nauru | 7.3 | Prohibited |
Mozambique | 8.6 | Not Criminalised |
However, in some regions of the world there is a substantially larger age gap between marriage partners in that males are much older than their wife (or wives) or women are much younger than their husband (or husbands). A theory that can explain this finding from an evolutionary perspective is the parasite-stress theory which explains that an increase of infectious disease can cause humans to evolve selectively according to these pressures. Evidence also shows that as disease risk gets higher, it puts a level of stress on mating selection and increases the use of polygamy.[50]
Table 2 shows that 17 of the 20 countries with the largest age-gaps between spouses practice polygyny, and that males range from 6.1 to 9.2 years older than their partners. In regions such as Sub-Saharan Africa the use of polygyny is commonly practiced as a consequence of high sex-ratios (more males per 100 females) and passing on heterozygous (diverse) genetics from different females to offspring.[51] When disease is prevalent, if a male is producing offspring with a more diverse range of alleles, offspring will be more likely to withstand mortality from disease and continue the family line. Another reason that polygynous communities have larger age-gaps between spouses is that intrasexual competition for females increases as fewer females remain on the marriage market (with males having more than one wife each), therefore the competitive advantage values younger females due to their higher reproductive value.[52] As the competition for younger women becomes more common, the age in females' first marriage lower as older men seek younger and younger females.
Smaller than average age-gaps[edit]
In Western societies such as the US and Europe, there is a trend of smaller age-gaps between spouses, reaching its peak average in Southern Europe of 3.3 years. Using the same pathogen-stress model, there is a lower prevalence of disease in these economically developed areas, and therefore a reduced stress on reproduction for survival. Additionally, it is common to see monogamous relationships widely in more modern societies as there are more women in the marriage market and polygamy is illegal throughout most of Europe and the United States.
As access to education increases worldwide, the age of marriage increases with it, with more of the youth staying in education for longer. The mean age of marriage in Europe is well above 25, and averaging at 30 in Nordic countries, however this may also be due to the increase of cohabitation in European countries. In some countries in Europe such as France, Netherlands, United Kingdom, Norway, Estonia, Finland and Denmark, 20–30% of women aged 20–34 are cohabiting as opposed to legally marrying.[53] In addition to this with the gender pay gap decreasing, more women work equal hours (average of 40 hours in Europe and the US) to males and looking less for males with financial resources.[53]
In regions such as the Caribbean and Latin America there is a lower SMAM difference than expected; however, there are also a large proportion of partners living in consensual unions; 24% in Brazil, 20% in Nicaragua and 18% in Dominican Republic.[54]
A 2011 study suggested that age disparity in marriage is positively correlated with decreased longevity, particularly for women, though married people still have longer lifespans than singles.[20]
Social perspectives[edit]
Social structural origin theory[edit]
Social structural origin theory argues that the underlying cause of sex-differentiated behaviour is the concentration of men and women in differing roles in society. It has been argued that a reason gender roles are so prevalent in society is that the expectations of gender roles can become internalised in a person's self-concept and personality.[55] In a Brown University study, it has been noted that the social structure of a country determines the age difference between spouses more than any other factor, challenging evolutionary explanations.[56] In regard to mate selection, social structural theory supports the idea that individuals aim to maximise what they can provide in the relationship in an environment that is limiting their utilities through expected gender roles in society and marriage.[57]
It is thought that a trade-off or equilibrium is reached, in regard to what each gender brings to the mating partnership, and that this equilibrium is most likely to be reached with a trade-off of ages when selecting a mate.[58] Women trade youth and physical attractiveness for economic security in their male partner.[59] This economic approach to choosing a partner ultimately depends on the marital or family system that is adopted by society. Women and men tend to seek a partner that will fit in with their society's sexual division of labour. For example, a marital system based on males being the provider and females the domestic worker, favours an age gap in the relationship. An older male is more likely to have more resources to provide to the family.[57]
The rational choice model[edit]
The rational choice model also suggests that people look for partners who can provide for them in their life (bread-winners); as men traditionally earn more as they get older, women will therefore prefer older men.[60] This factor is diminishing as more women enter the labour force and the gender pay gap decreases.[60]
Age-hypogamy in relationships[edit]
Age-hypogamy defines a relationship where the woman is the older partner, the opposite of this being age-hypergamy.[61] Marriage between partners of roughly similar age is known as 'age homogamy'.[62]
Older female–younger male relationships are increasingly researched by social scientists.[61][63][64][65][66] Slang terms such as 'cougar' have been used in films, TV shows and the media to depict older females with younger male mates. The picture often displays a stereotypical pairing of a divorced, middle-aged, white, affluent female dating a younger male with the relationship taking the form of a non-commitment arrangement between the partners.[67]
Average Age Of Dating Begins In Usa 2019
Although age-hypogamous relationships have historically been very infrequent, recent US census data has shown an increase in age-hypogamous relationships from 6.4% in 2000 to 7.7% in 2012.[68]
There may be many reasons why age-hypogamous relationships have been less frequent until recently. Sexual double standards in society, in particular, may account for their rarity.[61] In many contexts, ageing in women is seen to be associated with decreased sex appeal and dating potential.[69]
There is debate in the literature as to what leads to age-hypogamy in sexual relationships. A number of variables have been argued to influence the likelihood of women entering into an age-hypogamous relationship, such as racial or ethnic background, level of education, income, marital status, conservatism, age, and number of sexual partners.[61] For example, US Census data show an exaggerated sex ratio in African American communities, whereby there were 100 African American women for every 89 African American men.[70] It was shown that African American women were more likely to be in age-hypogamous or age-hypergamous marriages in comparison with White American women.[71] However, more recent evidence has found that women belonging to racial categories besides African American or White were more likely to sleep with younger men,[61] showing that it is still unclear which, if any, ethnic groups are more likely to have age-hypogamous relationships.
Another example illustrating the varying literature surrounding age-hypogamous relationships is research indicating that a woman's marital status can influence her likelihood of engaging in age-hypogamous relationships. Married women are less likely to be partnered with younger men compared to non-married women.[72] More recent findings suggest that previously married women are more likely to engage in an age-hypogamous sexual relationships compared to women who are married or who have never been married.[61]
Despite social views depicting age-hypogamous relationships as short lived, a 2008 study from Psychology of Women Quarterly has found that women in age-hypogamous relationships are more satisfied and the most committed in their relationships compared to younger women or similarly aged partners.[73][74] It has also been suggested that male partners engaging in age-hypogamous relationships are choosing beauty over age. A recent study found that when shown pictures of women of ages ranging from 20–45 with different levels of apparent attractiveness, regardless of age, men chose the more 'attractive' individuals as long term partners.[75]
'Half-your-age-plus-seven' rule[edit]
An often-asserted rule of thumb to determine whether an age difference is socially acceptable holds that a person should never date someone whose age is less than half their own plus seven years.[76][77][78][79] According to this rule, a 28-year-old would date no one younger than 21 (half of 28, plus 7) and a 50-year-old would date no one younger than 32 (half of 50, plus 7).
Although the provenance of the rule is unclear, it is sometimes said to have originated in France.[77] The half-your-age-plus seven rule appears in John Fox, Jr.'s The Little Shepherd of Kingdom Come in 1903,[80] in American newspapers in 1931 attributed to Maurice Chevalier,[81] and in The Autobiography of Malcolm X,[82] attributed to Elijah Muhammad.
In earlier sources, the rule sometimes had a different interpretation than in contemporary times. Not only was it gender-specific, it was presented as a formula to calculate the ideal age of a female partner at the beginning of a relationship, instead of a lower limit. Frederick Locker-Lampson's Patchwork from 1879 states the opinion 'A wife should be half the age of her husband with seven years added.'[83]Max O'Rell's Her Royal Highness Woman from 1901 gives the rule in the format 'A man should marry a woman half his age, plus seven.'[84] A similar interpretation is also present in the 1951 play The Moon Is Blue by F. Hugh Herbert: 'Haven't you ever heard that the girl is supposed to be half the man's age, plus seven?'[85]
A study in 2000 found that the rule was fairly accurate at predicting the minimum age of a woman that a man would marry or date. However, the rule was not found to be predictive of the minimum age of a man that a woman would marry or date, nor (by reversing the formula) of the maximum age that either sex would marry or date.[76]
Slang terms[edit]
Partner age disparities are typically met with some disdain in industrialized nations, and there are various derogatory terms for participants in these relationships.
In English-speaking countries, where financial disparity, and a money-for-companionship exchange, is perceived as central to these relationships, the elder of the two partners (perceived as the richer) is often called a 'sugar daddy' or 'sugar mama', depending on their gender. The younger of the two is similarly called the sugar baby. In extreme cases, a person who marries into an extremely wealthy family can be labelled a gold digger, especially where the wealthy partner is of extreme age or in poor health; this term most often describes women but can be applied to any gender.[86]
An attractive younger woman pursued by a wealthy man who is perceived as wanting her only for her appearance may be called a trophy wife.[87] The opposite term, 'trophy husband', does not have an agreed upon use, but is becoming more common: some use the term to refer to the attractive stay-at-home husband of a much more famous woman; others use it to refer to the husband of a trophy wife, as he is her trophy due to his wealth and prestige. In the latter case, the term trophy is broadened to include any substantial difference in power originating from physical appearance, wealth, or status. The trophy label is often perceived as objectifying the partner, with or without the partner's implicit consent.
Where the primary perceived reason for a relationship with a significant age difference is sexual, many gender-specific terms have become popular in English-speaking cultures. A woman of middle to elderly age who pursues younger men is a cougar or puma, and a man in a relationship with an older woman is often called a boytoy, toyboy, himbo, gigolo, or cub. In reverse, the terms rhino, trout and manther (a play on the panther term for women) are generally used to label an older man pursuing younger women, and the younger woman in such a relationship may be called a kitten or panther.[88] If the woman is extremely young, the man may be labelled a cradle-snatcher (UK)[89] or cradle robber (US)[90] In gay slang, the term chickenhawk may be used. If the much-younger target of affections is not of the legal age of consent, the term jailbait may be applied to them, cautioning older partners against involvement. An older term for any licentious or lascivious man is a lecher. That term and its shortening, lech, have come to commonly describe an elderly man who makes passes at much younger women.[citation needed]
See also[edit]
References[edit]
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Further reading[edit]
- Alarie, Milaine; Carmichael, Jason T. (2015). ''The 'Cougar phenomenon: An Examination of the Factors That Influence Age-Hypogamous Sexual Relationships Among Middle-Aged Women'. Journal of Marriage and Family. 77 (5): 1250–1265. doi:10.1111/jomf.12213.
- Berardo, F. M., Appel, J., & Berardo, D. H. (1993). Age dissimilar marriages: Review and assessment. Journal of Aging Studies, 7, 93–106. doi:10.1016/0890-4065(93)90026-G
- Buss, D. M. (2015). The Handbook of Evolutionary Psychology, Foundation. New York: John Wiley & Sons.
- Buss, D. M. (1989). 'Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures'. Behavioral and Brain Sciences. 12 (1): 1–14. doi:10.1017/s0140525x00023992.
- Buss, D. M.; Barnes, M. (1986). 'Preferences in human mate selection'. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 50 (3): 559. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.50.3.559.
- McKenzie, Lara (2021). 'Age-dissimilar couple relationships: 25 years in review'. Journal of Family Theory and Review. 13 (4): 496–514. doi:10.1111/jftr.12427
- Schwartz, C. R. (2013). 'Trends and variation in assortative mating: Causes and consequences'. Annual Review of Sociology, 39, 451–470. doi:10.1146/annurev-soc-071312-145544
- Timeus, I.M.; Reynar, A. (1998). 'Polygynists and their wives in sub-Saharan Africa: an analysis of five Demographic and Health Surveys'. Population Studies. 52 (2): 145–162. doi:10.1080/0032472031000150346.
Let’s turn our attention now to “dating” and the “date” itself. Where did it come from? How did it become such an important part of our courtship system? And where are we today?
According to cultural historian Beth Bailey, the word date was probably originally used as a lower-class slang word for booking an appointment with a prostitute. However, by the turn of the 20th century we find the word being used to describe lower-class men and women going out socially to public dances, parties and other meeting places, primarily in urban centers where women had to share small apartments and did not have spacious front parlors in their homes to which to invite men to call.
With the rise of the entertainment culture, with its movie houses and dance halls and their universal appeal across class lines, dating quickly moved up the socio-economic ladder to include middle- and upper-class men and women, as well as the new urbanites.
When one tries to understand how dating has changed over time, and most importantly, how we arrived at the system of courtship and dating we have today, one must realize the monumental cultural shift that occurred during the 1940s, primarily due to World War II. The courtship experience and ideals of those who grew up before World War II were profoundly different from those of teenagers in the postwar years, and the differences created much intergenerational conflict.
Beth Bailey and Ken Myers explain in the Mars Hill Audio Report, Wandering Toward the Altar: The Decline of American Courtship, before World War II, American youth prized what Bailey calls a promiscuous popularity, demonstrated through the number and variety of dates a young adult could command, sometimes even on the same night.
In the late 1940s, Margaret Mead, in describing this pre-war dating system, argued that dating was not about sex or marriage. Instead, it was a “competitive game,” a way for girls and boys to demonstrate their popularity. In 1937, sociologist Willard Waller published a study in the American Sociology Review in which he gives this competitive dating system a name, which he argued had been in place since the early 1920s: The Campus Rating Complex. His study of Penn State undergraduates detailed a “dating and rating” system based on very clear standards of popularity. Men’s popularity needed outward material signs: automobile, clothing, fraternity membership, money, etc. Women’s popularity depended on building and maintaining a reputation of popularity: be seen with popular men in the “right” places, turn down requests for dates made at the last minute and cultivate the impression that you are greatly in demand.
One example of this impression management comes from a 1938 article in Mademoiselle Magazine where a Smith College senior advised incoming freshmen on how to cultivate an “image of popularity.” She wrote, “During your first term, get home talent to ply you with letters, telegrams and invitations. College men will think, She must be attractive if she can rate all that attention.” She also suggested that you get your mom back home to send you flowers from time to time, again, to give the impression of popularity. The article went on to say that if, for some reason, you did not have a date on a particular night, you should keep the lights off in your dorm room so no one would know you were home.
Beth Bailey comments, “Popularity was clearly the key — and popularity defined in a very specific way. It was not earned directly through talent, looks, personality or importance and involvement in organizations, but by the way these attributes translated into the number and frequency of dates. These dates had to be highly visible, and with many different people, or they didn’t count.” Ken Myers summarizes this system, “Rating, dating, popularity, and competition: catchwords hammered home, reinforced from all sides until they became the natural vocabulary. You had to rate in order to date, to date in order to rate. By successfully maintaining this cycle, you became popular. To stay popular, you competed. There was no end: popularity was a deceptive goal.”
So, that is the system in place prior to World War II. After World War II the norms within the dating system began to change. By the late 1940s and early 1950s demographic realities began to sink in: There was a shortage of men.
After World War II, due in part to the fact that 250,000 men never came home, for the first time in the United States, women outnumbered men. In June 1945, New York Times Magazine predicted 750,000 women who wanted to marry would have to live alone. Around the same time Good Housekeeping captioned a photo of a bride and groom descending church steps with: “She got a man, but 6 to 8 million women won’t. We’re short 1 million bachelors!” Around this same time a half-serious article was published in Esquire magazine discussing the possibility of instituting a polygamous marriage system in the United States.
Due primarily to this scarcity of men, two things happened in the United States after World War II pertaining to marriage: Marriage rates climbed, and the average age of those marrying went down. However, the most striking change in postwar courtship and dating was the ever-earlier age at which children and teenagers entered the courtship and dating system. If the average age of first marriages was dropping (around age 18 for women and 20 for men) then the preparation for marriage — the shopping around, if you will — had to begin much earlier than that. One sociologist wrote in a July 1953 New York Times Magazine article that each boy and girl ideally should date 25 to 50 eligible marriage partners before making his or her final decision.
At the center of this 1950s youth dating culture was the act of “going steady,” according to Beth Bailey. Going steady (or “going out” in modern language) was not a new custom, but an old custom with a new meaning. In her book, From Front Porch to Back Seat: Courtship in Twentieth Century America, Bailey says that,
[I]n earlier days going steady had been more like the old-fashioned ‘keeping steady company.’ It was a step along the path to marriage, even if many steady couples parted company before they reached the altar. By the early 1950s, going steady had acquired a totally different meaning. It was no longer the way a marriageable couple signaled their deepening intentions. Instead, going steady was something twelve-year-olds could do, and something most fifteen-year-olds did do. Few steady couples expected to marry each other, but for the duration of the relationship, acted as if they were married. Going steady had become a sort of play-marriage, a mimicry of actual marriage. (p. 49)
So, during the 1950s, going steady (or going out) had completely supplanted the former dating system based on popularity. And this new system had its own set of rules and customs.
For instance, there had to be some visible token (class ring, letterman’s sweater or jacket) given to the one with whom you were going out. Additionally, the relationships were exclusive: Neither boy nor girl could date or pay much attention to anyone of the opposite sex. Obviously, most of these steady relationships did not result in marriage, oftentimes not lasting more than a few days or a few weeks.
Many cultural commentators have argued that this going steady system has greatly contributed to our modern culture of divorce. Every time a steady couple “breaks up,” something like a mini divorce occurs, complete with a divorce settlement and custody dispute — a dividing up of the assets, property and other persons involved. Each party must return (or negotiate custody of) jackets, T-shirts, jewelry, CDs, etc. bought for each other or together. And what about friends? Who would get “custody” of mutual friends? I have known college couples, and even high school couples, to buy a pet together — goldfish, hamsters, etc., which leads to a dispute over the care-giving of a living creature.
So where are we today? Do we have a dating/rating system that values the number of dates, and has popularity as its goal, or do we have a going steady system that values what is called “serial monogamy” — a succession of exclusive and serious relationships, as a practice for marriage? Or do we have a combination of the two?
I think the answer is, “yes,” “no” and “I don’t know.” It appears that the “script” that has developed in the closing decades of the 20th century and beginning of the 21st is, “anything goes.” And, although for many years this was sold under the heading of freedom, I believe young adults over the past decade have discovered that, in fact, it has caused cultural and relational vertigo — not knowing for certain which way is up or down, and not knowing in which direction to move. Do I date one person at a time or several people? How do I know when I’m going out with a person (meaning, dating them exclusively)? How do I talk to the other person about our relationship — in modern language? When do we have the DTR (defining the relationship) talk? And what about sex? What qualifies as sex anymore — only intercourse? How about oral sex — does that “count?” For many it’s utter confusion.
Out of necessity, this cultural confusion has forced Christians to re-evaluate from where we are taking our cues — from the secular culture at-large or from a wise contemporary application of what is taught in Scripture. In many Christian communities there seems to be movement toward rediscovering, or creating anew, some sort of script that conforms itself to the way God created man and woman to relate to each other. New types of courtship systems where family, friends and church communities are involved in the relationship provide support and godly counsel to individuals in a relationship.
Realizing how spiritually, psychologically and physically destructive sexual relations are outside of the bond and vow of marriage, many teens and young adults, both men and women, are committing (or re-committing) themselves to chastity. These are all encouraging signs.
It was my aim in these articles briefly to explain from where our modern courtship and dating practices have come. I hope this historical review has helped you to understand the courtship practices you have inherited, and can assist you in living more wisely, which is the goal of all Christians.
* * *
Note: If this discussion has piqued your interest and you would like to delve further into the history of courtship and dating, I recommend any of the works by Ken Myers, Beth Bailey, Alan Carlson or Leon Kass cited throughout the article. Perhaps a good place to start would be with the Mars Hill Audio Report, Wandering Toward the Altar: The Decline of American Courtship. Ordering information can be found on the web at marshillaudio.org.
Average Age Of Dating Begins In Usa 2017
Copyright 2007 Skip Burzumato. All rights reserved.
About the Author
Average Age Of Dating Begins In Usa 2020
Skip BurzumatoAverage Age Of Dating Begins In Usa Today
Skip Burzumato is the rector of St. Andrew’s Reformed Episcopal Church in Savannah, Ga. He has been in ministry for 16 years, serving in the inner-city of Memphis, Tenn., and as a youth, college, and singles pastor in various churches. He earned degrees from University of Memphis (B.A., M.A.) and Reformed Theological Seminary. Before entering the ministry, he served in the U.S. Navy and is also a trained musician, having worked as a recording engineer in Memphis, Tenn. Skip has been married to his wife, Stacey, since 1986. They have four children: Bradley, Gracie, Nicholas and Elizabeth; and one dog, Mazer.